I just want to scream. My soul is empty. And I can’t tell whether a shrill or a bellow would fill up the whole, but I’m really to try them all, as long as I can momentarily be excused and given all the time I need until. 

I just don’t feel satisfied anymore, I feel the drive but and am received with no reward. I look into others faces, giving them something if not all, and I’m givin it back with sticky fingers, muddled aims, and lackluster responses. 

I’m usually good on my own, in no need for others interactions, but now I think that has been all an internalization, the acceptance of a low self worth. 

I hear people speak, and I don’t care, because I’ve memorized their lines, and can queue their face.

and the same goes for me. 

I have found myself and thus begun to analyze it. I don’t even want to look at my work anymore. They serve as billboards of past ideas, I feel haunted by them on my walls, in front of my eyes, in front of their eyes, and working. working for them to understand and all I get is uncommunicated, undigested shit.  

and no one can see why it was a bad critique. no one understands what a good one looks like. people said stuff, congratulations, but I’ve been talking to myself long enough to know those reasons were half ass. that connects weren’t made, no one was invested. 

I wonder if it is my fault.  that there wasn’t enough for them to work from. when given a still life they just see the still life. when given their lives they just see their lives, but when given mine, they can’t fucking read. 

but i shouldn’t have to spell it all out to you. I still want your thoughts, I’m am now tired of mine. 

So in a last spell of good nurtured help, here are your queues and guidelines:

1. You get one chance to talk about the formal qualities ( ask them what those are: line, shape and form, space, color, texture,  make them realize those aren’t compliments) 

2. these serve as is a conversation piece. You may question how they serve as one, or you can just talk back to the work. you won’t look stupid, it’ll speak back you. 

3. interpret these objects like words, associate them, let them be hints, a starting off point. 

4. they’ve already started the conversation by being here. no more small talk.